circumstances have forced me to sit down and take a good hard look at my faith these few days.quite a few of us are trying to get back in touch with God,especially in this difficult new life we're all forced into.what a journey it's going to be.it's like i'm pushing off from the shore and wading into deeper waters.i want to walk on water with Jesus,but i don't even know where He's taking me.as i've said,it's exciting and frightening.so many new experiences this year,so many new convictions.what a rollercoaster ride for so many of us!
i was talking to darryl and trinette (and a couple of other random people) about what has been burdening my heart these few days.i want to know is why people who know Him aren't loving Him for what He deserves.where has Christianity gone?it's not like i'm a great (as in,perfect) lover of God.but i'm committed to trying as much as i can to surrender my life and live for Him.i know what He's done for me,and i don't ever want to remain the same person i was yesterday or the year before.i want to keep growing even though things at the top get scarier and more daunting.i have to admit as i feel God pulling me up the crazy rock wall like a belayer would,i'm like a bit exhausted and apprehensive.the climb before was such a challenge.i'm not sure if i can go on as it gets even harder.i know God knows what i can do.but i need so much more fuel man.like the stuff they teach us in uni,this new unfamiliar lap is such a giant leap from the usual trials i've gone through.it's forcing me to mature and handle things i once thought were so much larger than myself.
oh gosh.i'm too tired to even blog properly.i've got so much stuff on my mind however.i'm dying to just say - LET GOD CHANGE YOU STOP TRYING TO CHANGE YOURSELF IT'LL NEVER WORK WE'VE ALL TRIED AND FAILED.GOD IS SAYING SON COME BACK TO JESUS.THE DIVINE EXCHANGE IS WAITING FOR YOU.
that was a little explicit and straight forward.but i'm too tired.i don't know how to phrase it nicely in this state of mind.i keep thinking..no one in God's presence can emerge from the encounter the exact same person.meeting God just breaks you into pieces and leaves you weeping like a child.not in shame as you may think of course.but in utmost gratitude because He took everything you ever did,sent His Son to die in your place,and didn't even blame you one bit.how can you NOT react in the most extreme way upon realizing the extent of His mercy??
i'm probably sounding holy moly.i don't know if i should give a damn to that.here's one of my favourite bookmark messages -
I stood before Jesus and asked Him: How much do you love me Lord?
"This much." He replied.
Then He stretched out His arms on the cross and died for me.
give it some serious thought guys.goodnight.
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