achingly beautiful

my mind is in a fuzz,very very tired out from today's chasing after giant beach balls.i never want to do log for FC again.but the elation of finally finding the balls at a good price was pretty memorable.i just gawked and pointed and was on the verge of just screaming while tinsley i presume pretended not to know me.not that he was any less a kid.which 18 year old guy going into army in 2 weeks buys himself a toy car? but he's still one of those few ppl who always make me laugh my head off even when he's making fun of me.i actually appreciate that.

whenever i listen to slow piano music,the sort that makes you relax,i feel so inspired and pained all at the same time.it truly is achingly beautiful.it makes you want to ask pertinent questions and be answered in the most poetic and touching way ever.it makes you want to listen,above the notes,the truth of someone's heart speaking straight to yours on waves of melody.both in words that can express,and in emotion that sometimes cannot.too many times we hold back our true responses,hide our true questions - such that a moment is robbed mercilessly of the beauty its memory should have,and when we look back we are faced with empty spaces of words unsaid.pockets of time lags,hesitation.in our heads we have spoken many things,but to the people who should be hearing these words we say nothing most of the time.and then they die,and the little beauty we could have added to their world is stolen and lost forever.

that's why losing someone is so hard.because they don't know everything they should,from our own hearts and mouths,yet.sometimes even we don't know the words,but too many people take their own sweet time,or give up trying.make excuses.and then the people who matter most move along in life because they don't have all the time,and one of the most precious gifts they could have received is never sent.

those words are all i want for Christmas.