which means 13 days left to SMASH.david's worries are not unfounded.but then again my part is kinda falling into place slowly and i'm so fortunate to have the team behind me somehow.friday 9 30! i can't wait and i really hope it all works out and everybody will get along well.and have fun.
working with the younger kids is scary.i can't believe i'm this nervous about it,but i am.nervous not just because i have an important duty to carry out and things just can't go wrong.i'm also nervous because i'm worried all the young kids will hate me by the end of this week.maybe i really am old,scary and not to mention highly annoying.
thankfully i got 2 cards done tonight.one for mum and the other for pa,whose birthdays just have to fall during smash prep as well as next to each other.i wrote thoughtful things,in order to make up for inexistant birthday presents.i don't even have existant christmas presents for anyone.i'm just so busy.
is that a good excuse?
ai,i don't know.maybe i won't be able to celebrate christmas properly this year.not with so much work to do for smash.i bet the missions video is going to come flying right back at me from huey,who probably will not do much to help.oh well.need God's help.God's really efficient btw.bryan and i were praying for the filming this week,and today things just start working out.i don't even need 2 days anymore.everyone WANTS to meet on friday.talent-spotting is going to be easy(: where is my protege!!!!!
i was feeling moderately philosophical just now,but because i was trying to think about meaningful things to write on my parents' birthday cards i kinda lost it.at first i was talking to dave about pretty interesting things,which made me realize how idealistic i was,and how tragic it was all going to be if i did not wake up and smell the coffee.i hate coffee.it's bitter and tastes like spoilt chocolate (which i love).coffee is like the ugly reality to chocolate's sweetened fantasy.i was almost truly convinced that some people (most people,guys,to be exact) were never going to change and no matter how great they all seemed to be they will never be as understanding,sensitive and big-hearted as you wish they were.and no,i will never be the prettiest or best girl around.therefore i must accept my humble position in life and move on quickly from one nice but unreachable guy to the next.and erase all sad poems about the beautiful tragedy of life.no guy is worth it.i don't know why i bother.
whenever i'm in a lonely mood i miss rachel incessantly.she's coming back tomorrow! nobody beats rachel and her listening prowess.i miss her like CRAZY.my mind is otherwise in nothing but a whirl now.goodbye.
in sooth i know not why i am so sad,
it wearies me,you say it wearies you,
but how i caught it,found it,or came by it,
...and what a wantwit sadness it makes of me
that i have much ado to know myself.
-a very inaccurate quotation of Shakespeare
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