have a great working day!

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.

A delicious lunch treat from a colleague.

An unexpected MSN message from an old friend.

Green stoplights on your way to and from work (this is especially for darryl).

A spontaneous outing after an already fun day at work.

A good sing-along, head-banging, arm-swaying song on the radio.

Your stuff found right where you left them.

Extra energy despite the lack of sleep.

Great-tasting, unfattening snacks throughout the day.

Meaningful conversations, or maybe just side-splitting ones with jokes that last for hours.

A word of encouragement from someone who cares.

Longtime problems solved nice and sweetly.

Friends who are all in a fantastically high mood.

More things to look forward to in the coming weeks.

Blessed enough to notice all these ordinary miracles when they occur!

A bit of advice for today:

1. It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

2. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

3. Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.

4. Lastly, we have come to serve God, not man. So there's no harm working hard, instead of hardly working. (:

if you don't know what to get me for my birthday,

okay this sounds shameless but it's necessary.if you want to get me ANYTHING for my birthday,which is on the 4th of May,i suggest you get me vouchers (especially if you have no idea what to get me).not food vouchers however (unless they're for healthy food,like jap food).movies,books,shopping mall vouchers.it solves a LOT of gift problems that way.i'm just being practical!but if you still are hung up on getting me something you KNOW i will like AND need,please go ahead by all means.thank you in advance!(:

hope does not float

hope is like some sort of battery that you assume at first to have a lot of energy to spare such that whatever you're fueling will keep going on and on.it'll go on and on as though it's done what it's been doing for the past couple of years,effortlessly,ceaselessly.no matter what you say it'll never stop,never run out.you take it for granted,forget it's even there,believe in what you think is everlasting power.until one day the strength of it all starts to quiver and flicker,and all of a sudden you're back into action trying to save it,convince yourself it'll stay alive.knock it,shake it,adjust it.maybe the contact's loose.once you make connection again it'll go back to normal.but today was the first day i finally accepted that hope has run out,predictions have always been as phony as i suspected they were,it's the end of the road for us.no u-turns or side lanes,second routes or hope of still getting to my preferred destination.just exits.

nothing but exits.

and maybe you.

mac should allow nudges

you have epiphanies at the most random of moments,preferably when you're transported from one dimension of reality to another really fast it's actually so jarring and scary.i had an epiphany just now,after my dad yelled at me to just get home earlier because i was complaining the 3-days-blown bulb in the toilet meant i had to bathe in the dark which was just crazy.i sat back down in my chair,looked at my msn screen and realized nobody really cared about me as much as i wished they did.i've been living in hopeful disappointment all this while.which means i hope i'm wrong with my suspicions,even though i'm inwardly all disappointed when things never happen the way i hope they would.

that's epiphany for you.

you're my lobster

my mind is rubbed raw from mulling through my circumstances every time something pricks my memory, every time i'm placed in a situation whereby i weigh my options and consider my chances.every such time i drift off into quietness and my eyes grow wide and blank like a doll's.

i'm losing it.i'm losing hold of my misery and my wallowing in it.i can feel it because it's like a huge tide that has been washing over me for the past couple of months and finally,finally it feels like it's pulling back where it belongs.out there at sea...back where it wants to go,and has gone.

but instead of moving on with a brand new breath of fresh air,a new history to be made,i seem to be falling back into the deeper past,back to where i thought i wld never go again.how can it be that i am forgetting yesterday's burden as though it has just slipped away and will never again be anything substantial in my life? how can i just let go like this? and where on earth am i going in this whacked out solitude? 

why,WHY am i,back where i began almost 7 years ago? what IS this? this can't possibly be a TV show that gives me all freedom to live a perfectly dramatic life without any emotional consequences.this isn't what i wanted when i prayed to be free.it's like i have u-turned and gone straight back to childhood.my childhood.the one that i assumed i was free of.i left you behind.i needed and still need to.

but here i am,toying stupidly with the idea of doing sth abt the past,right now in the present.i mean it's the question i've always wanted an answer to,what would you have done? but perhaps when i do get the answer,it won't be as great as i've always hoped it wld be.i won't be surprised.or maybe i will,because it'll be so...realistically predictable.you'll have the same reply i suspected you would have had 7 years ago.which is why i never told you then,and should probably never ever tell you now.

i don't know what it is.maybe it's in the way you make me snort and smile at the mention of you all at the same time.maybe it's how you sometimes have a lot to say to me for once and i find you then so amazingly funny.maybe it's how on other and most occasions you are at a loss of what to say to me because we're such lousy friends and we just sit in silence as an alternative to making painful conversation.maybe it's how i ponder over our terrible,terrible friendship and why it's been in such a state for years but still believe things are somehow working out.maybe it's because i realized after reading through some old documents i found that you really cherish me.maybe it's how i've misunderstood you this whole time and had such a pitiful misconception of you that i always put myself down in context to you.or maybe i could be just wrong about all this,and we can never mean more to each other than whatever we can guess now.

i sat on the bus today and listened to you and me by lifehouse instead of skipping it for once.i came to the conclusion that i've just spent way too long loving you at arm's length away so things don't get messy between us.my heart may not skip a beat anymore,i may not want to message you so badly anymore,we may not have to think of proper conversation anymore.i just slip into my space on your wall of life and you into mine,and i love you simply,shyly but confidently,out of this bad old habit i can't seem to kick.

gosh i am such a basket case.

in loving memory

how long has it been, my friend?
since you spread your wings and flew
left me here in the noise and restlessness of my life
every night was silent and tearless without you

i haven't heard much about you after that day
the weeping hour i stopped my crazy addiction to you
pulled away unwilling, from what increasingly became my life and soul
i sunk into solitude, i hope you know

if you ever understood how empty my days lay in your absence
you'd see why i had to learn, why i needed to learn to be alone
i had to stop talking about you, going hot and cold about you
the more i found in you the less i held on to myself

and things would never have worked that way,
right? assure me baby...tell me you still know me
how you know every manner in which i function
if anyone should know the answer, it'll be you

in your eyes i fell beneath your great expectations
did you ever think a girl like me could possess so much love for you?
oh baby i didn't believe it either when i realized it
i cried for my own folly; you were always my weakness even in strength

but you stole my heart with yours, you really did
and the way you looked down on me, behind those prejudiced eyes i saw
in soft pools of lighthearted joy a waft of sadness
drifting by me as i fell into the deep crevices of your simple smile

i wonder if you were ever sad to leave me -
did you even know you had gone far far away?
that day i stopped hearing from you every waking moment
from my open hands you were set free from my world

you fluttered back to chasing the wind, didn't you?
riding on the swift currents of your destiny
and in all this, i wish you love and happiness
fulfillment, faith and the finest pieces of life

one day i hope you'll chance upon my message scrawled across the table
my name and yours, carved in past lives
a lopsided heart, in the same way you grinned
because i once tugged on your line, and i tugged hard

my friend, it's been a very long time
since i wished i could climb a ladder to plant a kiss upon your cheek
but for now i stay here firmly on the ground
and whilst you fly above, i sigh and stuff your picture into my pocket.

will it?

thought I couldn't live without you

it's gonna hurt when it heals too

it'll all get better in time

and even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to

it'll all get better in time

since there's no more you and me

it's time I let you go

so I can be free

and live my life how it should be

no matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you

yes I will

more days at work

lady in the basket

while the world plays on,

(:

last night's super shiok xiaolongbao and lamian dinner with darryl and trinette


look at that nice trophy that i made(:

my half of it

on this side of paradise i like to keep you 

in dreams 

because if things were real i wouldn't believe.

i'd be disenchanted, jaded, put in my place

that paradise doesn't

really exist

on your side, in your life, i'm stuck 

on a post-it note

that i wrote myself, to remind you that

i'm your friend. i'd be forgotten otherwise 

but that's not too much

of a surprise

on certain lonely days i stop pretending

i'm fulfilled, at peace

with being by myself in the crowd, standing

wistfully pretending, a sad whimpering fool

miserable with my half

the half of paradise without you

humbled,i finally peek over at your side and wish our world wasn't cut into such pieces.