happy birthday ben!

it was ben's birthday today, so i was out the WHOLE DAY.there goes my studying.anyway this is a picture of both of us(: he is such a poser.



but then again i can probably say the same for myself,although i totally did not mean to end up looking like an idiot in this photo.i was TRYING TO MOVE THE HAIR AWAY because it was in my face.my father thought i was posing.so he took the picture anyway.strangely,i think i look very nice despite the retarded pose.


not a very flattering picture of any one of us.but here's the 3 of us all happy together after eating at jumbo!(:

hehehe.i like this picture cos I look nice. (: ben said he looks like an alien.

ah what a happy picture right! with mummy.who looks surprisingly very smiley.and yep i like this photo a lot. ^^

the 3 of us again...joanne,benjamin and dominic.nicky is SO dumb!!

and of course i have to have a picture of the camera man.my dear father. (sheesh!!!)

mugfest):

ah yes,so the holidays have started,my blog is already dying and i have already started to have grave thoughts about my upcoming SATS this saturday (sats on sat! haha! ^^) because i just started doing some practices yesterday.JUST.and katty's been mugging for it (possibly SATS2) the past few months.oh well,the future must be bleak then,unless im secretly (unknown to even myself) terribly smart.an update of my life so far..school ended with josef tan's geog lesson,pirates,swan and band concert.what a nice photo i have up there with johnny and orlando haven't i. (: and down there,when i tried very hard to look like i was part of the crew despite not being tall enough to convince anyone at all.

then there was steph's band concert,which i arrived half an hour late thanks to shopping around with swan and the horrid traffic back from PS.but it was a pretty good concert nonetheless.i bet steph was wishing she'd leaned her head on someone else though. (: the picture's of me,steph,randall,mel and jiawei btw.

on sunday we went as a class to do CIP,but thanks to me forgetting my camera and us not meeting for dinner properly in the end,i only have pictures of me and rachel from my phone because i went off to meet her (to disastrous results at first,because i got lost at chjimes) at the national museum.it was fun(: despite my lack of ability to appreciate anything historical or artsy.

this is the mailbox rachel and her art people designed/painted! so cool!this side of the box was by rach herself(:

there were these huge aircon vents at the national museum.they were very strong and i didn't want to leave for quite a bit.weather has been rather nasty these few days.talk about climate change.

even my handphone strap was blowing up in front of the lens! oh and we apparently look alike in this photo.don't think rachel wld be too happy to hear that. ^^

k last bit of news before i return to my maths SATS stuff (AH the pains of mugging) would be my mum just bought me this pretty bubble dress.zwing asked me out shopping at vivo (AH VIVO!)..but i can't!!!! not with all the studying i have to do!!!!!

daryl said it's like im under house arrest or something.haha.

oh and the hunt is coming!!

will turner's worst nightmare

"Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,
Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun."

possibly my favourite quote from romeo and juliet although i didn't even study it so maybe there are like a lot more nice quotes that i wouldn't know of till i actually have time to read it,which is not soon given the fact that im supposed to find great ex, owen, malfi and o'casey more interesting till A lvls is over.prayer before birth by louis macneice in the previous entry is a nice poem we did for unseen.

iv spent the past 3 days of my life doing almost nothing about my homework or my coming common tests.and i mean zilch.seriously nothing.iv never felt so stranded in nothingness before,in a very dangerous manner too.

anyway i just slept the whole afternoon and night away today.that's like from 5 to 10.insanity right.iv been very tired out from the late nights,which i really don't like keeping anymore ever since sleep became a luxury good.i have this annoying 4.2 normal distribution tutorial to finish by thursday! i don't feel like doing it! and im trying to do BOP essay plan now.i hate BOP and FOREX.it's the hardest.on the bright side i got 19/25 for econs essay on inflation which is pretty imba for now given the fact that i flunked 3 essays last year with scores of 6,8 and 9.

saili's video tomorrow! so exciting i hope we get to show it(: just worked on it for like dunno how many hours! hope i get like 8 hours of CIP at least for working on it.i spent a bit more time on it la,but i shall minus away the waiting time when the video was just driving me nuts.

rachel's away at preu sem,i just remembered.and david is currently in rome or something.i was just complaining today that nobody gets to say such cool things over MSN at my age..like "Oh I'm in Rome now, just visited the Vatican." (which was yesterday) or like the previous "Oh I'm in this valley in Switzerland, near the Swiss Alps waiting for the rain to stop so I can go up the mountain." I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHO GETS TO SAY STUFF LIKE THAT? he's so busy touring Europe and here i am wishing i could get ANYWHERE but here.okay but malaysia as well.actually not anyth Asean.i think we all are dying for this fine break,though NOT in the form of the june holidays because...COMMON TESTS 2 ARE LOOMING IN THE VERY NEAR DISTANCE.

oxymoron!

this is probably what we all feel like.

Prayer Before Birth

I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
my life when they murder by means of my
hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
waves call me to folly and the desert calls
me to doom and the beggar refuses
my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
one face, a thing, and against all those
who would dissipate my entirety, would
blow me like thistledown hither and
thither or hither and thither
like water held in the
hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

I am so friggin pissed off.

my beautiful girl

She emerged from hiding finally, on a day when everyone wasn't looking. As the rising sun caught her hair, it shone gloriously like the stone pavement after a heavy rain. There she stood frozen, in the golden orbs of light, drenched by the torrents of her misery and in a puddle of tears. But nobody saw her. As they pushed past her carelessly in the hallways, no longer gazing in admiration at the beauty she always was, she held her breath, counting. Let me disappear, let me disappear.

She did. Sitting in the centre of the class, she tried to think of only the good things in her eighteen year old life, everything before he had happened. But in her mind she faced only a brick wall of yesterday, it seemed like this was all that remained of her past. Everything had strangely become made of only him. He was everything that had gone by, everything that was gone. Yet she could still smell his favourite cologne in her nostrils, hear his laughter in the wind, feel his hand crumpled into hers. But as she flung herself across the wall, looking for the rise and fall of his chest to rest her tired head on, she was met with only his stubborn back - the back he'd turned to her the day he walked away. Their hands no longer fit the way they used to.

Inhale. Closing her ashen eyelids, sore from containing the water swelling up from the numbness that had replaced the pain within, she embraced sorrow as it pummeled into her, just before she slipped back into its familiar folds of regret and heartbreak.

The world never saw her again.

my chemical romance

"And I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak.
Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead."

currently in love with all things my chemical romance.weekend has been pretty good,don't feel under or overworked.but actually the famous hw list still goes on.i have half a planes tutorial to complete! but im seriously considering the better option of sleeping early tonight.

happy mother's day btw(:

life this weekend can be summarized into a few pictures.

Friday night, emo talk till 2 with kahpoh.

Saturday at church, Max is so cute. He gave me shampoo!(:

Saturday night, i pass a stamp to zwing at 11 and we emo talk till 2 30.

Mother's day! but my mum doesn't like to take photos. so here's one of me!(:

After dinner today we went to my auntie's (who's a widow) house for bible devotion and whilst sitting and looking at her i thought of a few things.it must be awfully sad if you were to marry the man of your dreams, have the life you always wanted and a few kids,then suddenly he ups and leaves because heaven's doors open a few years into your marriage.what do you do when the man you love's life ends way before yours,and you're left hanging on wondering where everyth happy in this miserable world has gone to..just when your happy ending was working out.it's like being woken up suddenly from a dream you've been waiting for ages to have,and no matter what you can't just go back to sleep and continue where you left off.

the beginning of the end

You whispered in my ear the other day, how we'll grow old together. We'll take long walks in the mist-covered fields every morning, to that old wooden rope swing - which will then be even older. My hands, loose and bony, will still fit your firm roughened ones. Together, we'll grasp the crumbling rope with whatever strength we have left within us. You'll push behind me and I'll go up and down, up and down, like the life we had before this age. We didn't start off this much in love, of course, I loved you before you knew my name. When you walked past me with your hair hanging lazily in your eyes, I loved you. When you offered that dimpled smile to your friends, I loved you. Even when I accidentally saw you kissing your girlfriend in the corner, I loved you because it helped me imagine I were her. All this time I could have consciously grown up, thinking about me and only me, but by the end of my life as a child I knew nothing about myself and everything about you.

Now I know, however, I know you want to grow old with the girl you love - now she's me. You want to take her on long walks every morning across mist-covered fields, sit upon that old wooden rope swing holding old wrinkled hands and going up and down, up and down. But you haven't got a clue how I hate waking up early to walk anywhere at all, or how swings make me giddy and upset. I would love to hold your firm roughened hands today, and maybe even tomorrow.. But somewhere darling, our love has got to end.

"I don't know why I love you anymore, and if this is going to be forever, I
think I'm gonna need a reason."

bad hair forever!

for all those desperately flocking here to check if i put up a picture of my new hair (untied) before tomorrow (dooms day) comes,forget it.

im too tired ranting.so i'll put up the conversations here.

STEPH SAYS
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
sian
very sad la
i look like shit now
i sld have nv done it
what am i gg to do
utopia undone says:
ah
its okay
every girl feels the same after she cuts her hair
' i shd nv have done it
its normal
IT'LL GROW

later..

utopia undone says:
heheh
ITS OKAY
u can always wear a hat to sch
or u knw
those cancer hats thingys
we still love u
even if all ur hair drops by tmr morn
cos of the intense and unnecessary stress u're putting it under now
ur hair prb feels so bad for itself

KAHPOH SAYS
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
omg i din even think abt how long i took to grow my hair!
innocence undone says:
hmm
wow

GONG SAYS
gong says:
a reprieve from the clutches of the lion?
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
omg gong
oh noooooooo
i cut 4 inches u noe
my hair is GONE
gong says:
is it 4 inches long

later..

joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
gonggggg HOWWWW
gong says:
so u have an afro now?
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
sth like that
omg
i look like a mushroom
gong says:
wow....
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
im gg to die of embarrassment
gong says:
i might die of laughter
but itll die off soon dont worry

even later..

gong says:
u must have had a crazy britney spears moment
joanneee/things you just regret the minute you do them,for example,cutting off my bloody hair. says:
i sld have let u guys do it right
yeah i know!!!!
i msgd mr josef
he was like,are u in a crisis
gong says:
u can go tattoo ur head now
u actually told him?
he'll probably make fun of u during lecture tmr

later later..

gong says:
u can try rubbing mayo into ur hair
it speeds up hair growth
seriously
joanneee/my hair probably feels so bad for itself now. says:
.....daryl.
dun be idiotic!
gong says:
NO
REALLY
im not kidding this time
joanneee/my hair probably feels so bad for itself now. says:
......
im still not gg to do it
gong says:
why not
try for a week
maybe ull be a full fleged lion after that
joanneee/my hair probably feels so bad for itself now. says:
......daryl
ITS NOT FUNNY
gong says:
but im serious abt the mayo thing

SWAN SAYS
ever find a moment says:
dont worry bout your hair
dont think any criticisms could be worse than the onslaught u normally get already x)

KUMKAY SAYS
the still frame; says:
don't feel so bad!
it'll grow back eventually
haha
joanneee/my hair probably feels so bad for itself now. says:
everyone says that
its bad
it really is
the still frame; says:
i shave my head also ah
then we can walk around and have bad hair
joanneee/my hair probably feels so bad for itself now. says:
how nice of u kumkay

more quotable quotes later! but no pics.

the battle within

"I see a picture in my head, of what the creature Denial has become. It's moving inside me, where my heart used to beat wild and free. It's scratching at the walls of my inner being, tearing what has not been torn, screaming in mad frenzy. How long can I pretend everything's okay? How many more days in people's eyes must I walk, and not crumple to the floor like a soldier surrendered - 'Yes yes, I am not whom I've chosen to believe I am, you see everything I wish I was not.' Not for long, perhaps. The illusion that I am strong enough, is dying."

birthday part 2 (:

what i like about this photo,is that my hair looked so long,brown and beautifully curly.odd isn't it.

my bestfriends in the whole wide world!!!

another one,but this time with ben my brother and max trinette's very cute brother(: nicky was watching survivor.

nicky came down finally.

rachel got me this for my birthday!(:

and trinette got me overly huge sunglasses like meng's.

unglam shot to say how much i love all you people,sincerely,from deep down inside my little heart.

"all i wanna do is find a way back into love, i can't make it through without
a way back into love. but if i open my heart to you, i'm hoping you'll show me
what to do. and if you help me to start again, you know that i'll be there for
you in the end."

i wish you'd wished me.

thank you for your love(:

today i more or less failed 2.4,again.but it's okay! because now the stress is gone and my commando mode has shifted from pulling off some miracle run to avoiding the teachers who are after me to do a retest.assertive self says no.

and,a14 was mighty sweet to me despite me not deserving it since iv been terrorizing them for the past 1.4 years.i mean in a way they did get revenge for all the bad things iv done.like,whipcreaming me when i was trying to figure out which wish i wanted (i have no idea what i really wished for except something stupid for like 1 second),kumkay appearing to everyone's delight to usher me off to the fountain,which i ended up climbing in myself cos quite paiseh if they had to carry me (he pushed me in anyway) and steph caked me (I ONLY TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY SLICE).omg,i cannot believe im saying i love them.

but all in all,today was a confirmation that i am loved back(: as kumkay said the day before,if they didn't care about me they probably wldn bother remembering and pulling anything (despite my whole ordeal/celebration feeling rather retribunal) off for me in the first place.thanks to zwing too for running with me i love you baby (see you tonight!) and i'm so thankful steph/swan/huishuang/mercy/daryl/likuang/royce/eugene/aaron got their just revenge upon me (since i annoy them the most) and that likuang didn't have to go into physio for 5 more years if he had helped carry me.biggest thanks of all,goes to God.kudos to you man.

mmmmmmm,life is good(:

fly me to the moon!

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow(:

"Think of Goliath, you stumble. Think of God, Goliath stumbles."

2.4,on!

i'm also legal to drink,drive and be arrested.

beyond my power

is God's power! i'm suuuper tired out now after having spent the (best) half of my day with rachel ho at the soccer match (which i didn't really care about),meeting her friends (*(: ;)),walking back home,eating dinner,hanging at zwing's house with her awesome cell ppl.my day is fulfilled!

but not as fulfilled if it hadn't been for God's mercy that got my parents to not say anything much when i came home rather late at 11,despite having that not-very-but-quite inspirational A level pep talk that left me,as kumkay defined it immediately,as having to read Max Lucardo's Facing Your Giants.very empowering,as he promised.all i could think of and pray whilst running home when my pa threatened to lock me out was "my God is bigger! my God is more powerful! my God can shut the lion's mouth! my God is going to bring me through this!" seriously quite scared that i wld make my pa angry.but in the end when i called for the door to be opened he was like rather normal and said "oh okay."

oh,okay.

i faced my giant(: my first giant at least.

not bad,God delivered!(:

before i go and sleep in prep for my day of WORK tomorrow,i want to say something extremely important: J2 is like,the shit.just kidding.RACHEL HO IS LIKE THE SHIT.as in,in a good way.i'm so happy we're together baby.HAHAHA.

"She smiles and the whole world lights up in my tired eyes. I'm frowning at
the weight upon my shoulders, but she faithfully puts her hand across them and
the burden's yoke is shared. I am a static creature, incapable of equivocating
the pulsating energy flowing through her. But with her my weakness is our
strength, her liberation is what ties us together. And in the very same moment I
fall and lose faith in everything I've lived for, we're the only hope that floats - straight into the
sky."

-ode to rachel ho<3333