getting over you.

even if it takes forever
i get my shit together
yes dear
i'm getting over you.

thought that was a pretty neat line from the click five.though i just spoke to kahpoh about something similar and i concluded out loud that i will be happy to never blow out the tiny candle that i still have burning somewhere in me for you.

am dead tired.

an empty life.

everybody else is having their last flings before school restarts,and once again i have found myself sitting aimlessly and half pondering what life is about instead of having some fun myself.i thought i missed school last week when i was bored and depressed.but now that i finished SMASH stuff with robyn last night and managed to get started with the BTT book,everything seems to be sinking into dread and purposeless wondering all over again.i don't even want to go back to school.i think i'm just really tired of living.it's another depressing night with an even more pathetic dinner.

christmas reds greens and blues.

i've been feeling quite down over the past few days.a variety of factors really.plus i'm stressed out by smash and stuff that's been happening over the past few days.a lot of negative energy dampening my spirits.when people close to you are visibly unhappy,when the things you used to keep you feeling alive are pretty much gone..when you see other people being happy,like fairytales playing along unaffected outside your window,how do i not sit here lonely and on the brink of miserable?

there is no christmas mood for me this year.i didn't get anyone presents,so please don't be disappointed.i just don't know what to do for people anymore.i used to be so excited and full of ideas and hopes of proving how thoughtful i could be with gift choices,but my melancholic state is doing any good for me this holiday season.

alot of unusual problems and situations are plaguing my life right now.unwelcome ones too.the kind of things that you just want to sweep out the door and pretend they never existed.death,hatred,sickness,true loneliness.who wants to deal with issues related to these? we all love to complain and philosophize about life,love,mystery..neglect the blessing of health,fancy ourselves pitiful and dramatic.all that jazz..people like TC remind me that i really am lame.because i sure do sound pretty lame,looking back at how frivolous my imagination can be.

yet i don't know what else makes my world spin,being the way i tend to be.looking at the lost state i am in,i'm really not sure what else i thrive on besides the silly pitiful things in an unrealistic perception of life.

but i,

finally finished buliangxiaohua! not bad at all.fairytale sweet as usual.i've been examining my own life however.it's strangely unstable,as much as i try to take control.perhaps it's because all my confidantes are too busy enjoying the holidays.don't really know what i can say here actually.sometimes i feel as though this space of mine has been invaded by people i wish had no idea about my personal life.thus i'm going to privatise this blog.i remember reading someone else's remark..that as you grow older you start regretting being so open.i'm turning 20 in half a year's time.i'm no longer a young hopeful child waiting to be heard.it's time to be exclusively my own.

a life in love with You.

freely You gave it all for us

surrendered Your life upon that cross
great is the love poured out for all
this is our God
lifted on high from death to life
forever our God is glorified
servant and King, rescued the world
this is our God

next week's schedule.

next week is surprisingly busy! now that im not sick or have stuff like episcleritis in my eyes..or severe addictions to taiwanese dramas..i am finally getting OUT THERE.fb is going to have MORE PHOTOS finally!!(:

this is my schedule.so that whoever wants to grab some time can grab at the right time.

15th/monday: ben's christmas day with 大姐! (:
brunch @ yongtaufoo place 11-12
pasarmalam @ tampines 1-2, meet trinette
more shopping @ city plaza 2-3
food hunt @ geylang 3-5

16th/tuesday: currently free in the afternoon if not feeling hardworking
go down to settle driving @ ubi 10 30, with swan
very possibly do SMASH homework @ home
OR supposed to go out with steph @ somewhere at sometime
FC meeting @ church 7 30-late

17th/wednesday: shop and buy cake!
shopping madness @ bugis, with trinette
blading @ ecp with swan/huey/steph?

18th/thursday: pa's birthday!!
may want to watch the sunrise together @ ecp
go eat carrot cake/prata @ katong
go back to sleep @ home
high tea @ some fancy place
family time @ home
watch movie @ late night

19th/friday: mum's birthday!!
christmas shopping @ town, whole day

20th/saturday: otherwise relatively free
christmas play @ church 4-7 (who wants to go?)
supper @ nearby with whoever goes with me

21st/sunday: another christmas party to host
morning service @ church
class christmas dinner @ home

rowena flores, take your pick baby.

天天对你说我有多爱你!

romantic wedding afternoon.

surprisingly nice photograph outside the church.

my absolute favorite photograph.

strangely interesting picture.

with the decorated banisters.

my future maid of honor. (:

the girl on skates returns.

emotional,says huey.

had fun with huey,swan and royce (:

better than going blind.

"Episcleritis is an inflammatory condition of the connective tissue between the conjunctiva and sclera known as the episclera.  The eye's red appearance makes it look similar to conjunctivitis, or pink eye, but there is no discharge or tearing.  It is a relatively benign condition that has few complications and is usually self-limited. It usually has no apparent cause and is more common in women."

looks like im not going blind after all.but it's back to glasses for the next few days..and the christmas parties are just starting.i shan't complain so much though.to be able to see and have beautiful eyes is already something to be thankful for. (: thank God for taking away the redness too.off to rest my eyes now!!

my eyes hurt.

gossip girl.bu liang xiao hua.damn long email writing.my eyes really hurt now.going to sleep already.hope i can sleep in a bit longer tomorrow.wonder what is happening with wonder's reunion.i also think that steph is returning tomorrow.thus i await with great anticipation.swan is also free to meet me.looks like there will be an a14 reunion this friday.amazing.i can't wait. (: sam is also back from US next week.david is also back from egypt.more bu liang xiao hua.more xiao niang re.better go sleep now because tomorrow will be better. [:

the morning after.

i'm suddenly afraid of meeting people.especially after what i did to my hair.i regret yet i don't regret.i did hate the messiness of my mad hair,but at the same time..i kinda miss it now that my hair's all neat and possibly unflattering.here's an excerpt of my email to zwing this morning.

"i'm not so sure if neat hair is the thing for me.i feel so super mild now too.like my own force of character has somehow disappeared behind a cloak of straight hair.the whole demure look is not working to my advantage when it comes to assertion of self.sigh.HOW."

cham ah.i HAD to do it.yet now that it's kinda permanent for the time being..i'm not sure if this is what i want.aiyo.TWO reunions this week too..dearest wonderline is planning our 4PR gathering for *gasp* this wednesday..and i've somehow managed to gather the class for my *gasp* cell christmas party this friday..and i have to meet clement and robyn tomorrow for FC meeting omg!!! CHAM AH.really CHAM AH! now i have to deal with even more comments about my hair and this and that and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i've brought this upon myself.i don't want my old hair back.but i don't really love this new hair EITHER.怎么办呢!?!?!

but one thing to be happy about is that the 不良笑花 show is damn funny.both dean fujioka (i think) and pan weibo are like 超帅.i don't care how piangster i've become.我太爱他们了!! i also have a thing for yang cheng lin.it's scary but true.as annoying and act cute as she is..she actually really is quite endearing.okay enough taiwan talk.i keep speaking chinese nowadays too.this should have occurred 2 years ago during my chinese A level oral.sadly it didn't and i still remember talking crap to the examiners.from distinction in O levels to merit leh (or was it pass..).my tongue will never get used to chinese la.

okay it's like 2.30 now.need to sleep so that i can face the rest of the week.better brave and awake than discouraged and exhausted. :|

ta. [:

friday night lights.

am going to finish ISWAK tonight.so that i FASTER get started with ISWAK TWO which i heard is so much better.omg.if only i had known they'd spend the entire 20 episodes playing hard to get.i would have just started with season 2 instead of painfully witnessing joe cheng's extremely stoned out character being cold to ariel lin's cute but really dumbass one.wth la.it's beyond unrealistic can.i cannot believe they GOT MARRIED by the end of that really shitty courtship.ugh.but at least they have something to think about.i on the other hand,am not so blissfully alone on a friday night,having spent a morning with a distracted rachel ho and once again going solo for lunch,going home to be pretty much left to my ISWAK,aiya just hanging around by myself.i never really feel bored doing it,but whenever i'm loading something to watch i do feel the sianness of it all.wait so long.i bet everybody is outside having a life whilst i'm inside fighting a cold and wondering if the mosquito bite i picked up today is going to give me dengue.oh gosh.

holidays are pretty sad indeed.

now i can relate to david archuleta.

Do you catch your breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?
超帅! (:

breakfast at rachel's.

i finally made it out of the house today thanks to ms tan huishuang.i'm really tired out now,after exploring haji lane and ending up back in town by mid-afternoon.may go sleep now so that i can wake up early to find rachel in the morning.perhaps life is returning to normal.or that i'm forcing myself to not be so lazy because she's flying off on 6th and not coming back till almost a month later or something.i'm going to miss her...not that i see her so often.but she's my bestfriend.i love her and will put in the extra effort to get out of the house to see her.

i really like the david archuleta song (thanks lucas!!).i don't even know why.i don't relate to it at all.but the tunes so addictive haha.

going away-ay-ay-ayee-ay.like all my friends.i miss zwing,sam,david and rachel already.

but i will make next week fun,just to enjoy the holidays a bit.

monday: do hair? with hs and trin.
tuesday: robyn's faraway house! with clement and rubez.
wednesday: more FC stuff.
thursday: prepare for cell party.
friday: cell party!
saturday: john's wedding
sunday: either flea market with hs or yc carnival.