i've been feeling quite down over the past few days.a variety of factors really.plus i'm stressed out by smash and stuff that's been happening over the past few days.a lot of negative energy dampening my spirits.when people close to you are visibly unhappy,when the things you used to keep you feeling alive are pretty much gone..when you see other people being happy,like fairytales playing along unaffected outside your window,how do i not sit here lonely and on the brink of miserable?
there is no christmas mood for me this year.i didn't get anyone presents,so please don't be disappointed.i just don't know what to do for people anymore.i used to be so excited and full of ideas and hopes of proving how thoughtful i could be with gift choices,but my melancholic state is doing any good for me this holiday season.
alot of unusual problems and situations are plaguing my life right now.unwelcome ones too.the kind of things that you just want to sweep out the door and pretend they never existed.death,hatred,sickness,true loneliness.who wants to deal with issues related to these? we all love to complain and philosophize about life,love,mystery..neglect the blessing of health,fancy ourselves pitiful and dramatic.all that jazz..people like TC remind me that i really am lame.because i sure do sound pretty lame,looking back at how frivolous my imagination can be.
yet i don't know what else makes my world spin,being the way i tend to be.looking at the lost state i am in,i'm really not sure what else i thrive on besides the silly pitiful things in an unrealistic perception of life.
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