autumn passing.

if you'd meet me halfway,
if you would meet me halfway
it could be the same for you

all these days i've been with you
you've never been with me
life is turning grey and white
the leaves have fallen off the tree

though i've tried to keep it strong
and say that i'm alright
i chose the path less traveled
now you waste my day and night

autumn's passing, summer's gone
the sky's a dying blue
yes, i want to be alone but
i always cheat on myself with you.

oh how you bring tears to my eyes because you remind me of what i have been doing to myself.do i really live out my rejection by putting myself in positions whereby i am always kept at arm's length or carelessly pushed away - because this is how i expect to be treated? has this cruelty become a habit and a self-inflicted punishment for the incompetence i feel? do i gawk at the kindness the others show to me and repel myself from such grace because i do not believe i deserve it? i watched the nanny and listened to her shrink tell her that the other day,and it dawned on me that i too am putting myself in the place of least unconditional love and acceptance.i have been running from it my whole life.

sunkissed.

am i living the consequences of your rejection of me?

it's never gonna be that simple.

i wasted a weekend.or at least a day.so restless.omg.cannot do nothing.feel like i've got tons to do.so although i'm completing some work,as long as i'm not up to my neck and drowning in work,i feel so emptied out and wayward.sigh.don't know why i'm this waste-time these few days ever since workload lightened a bit.like,trying to emancipate myself yet feeling completely awkward doing so.

have i changed? for the worse? neutral? just changed? no longer open and vulnerable and spontaneous and hopeful? but instead hardened,protective,guarded,wary and cynical?

there's never a right time to say goodbye
but i gotta make the first move
cause if i don't you're gonna start hating me
cause i really don't feel the way i once felt about you
it's not you it's me
gotta figure out what i need
there's never a right time to say goodbye
but we know that we gotta go our separate ways
and i know it's hard but i gotta do it
and it's killing me
cause there's never a right time to say goodbye

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.

I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.

But if you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Marilyn Monroe

omg i knew we had a lot more things in common than i suspected we did.

i heart autumn boy.

we grow up
we smash things
spring summer autumn winter
we love each other
we regret each other
truth beauty freedom love
we remember stuff
we pretend to forget stuff
matthew mark luke john
we get together
we break up
attraction selection compassion hate
summer delusion
summer's gone
i.heart.autumn.boy.

(:

under the bed is where it'll stay

life is great.only AS/CT presentations left,and AS exam on sunday.i will perhaps study for that tmr.but today was possibly the best day of 2 weeks.finished up acad last night,watched whose line till 4,woke comfortably up at 12,got fetched to the beach at 2 plus,had lagoon food for brunch/tea,took many happy beach photos with the ltb group minus alex and xt,came back,did devotion,fell asleep till 7,had mum's fantastic laksa,had bible devotion with family which means tomorrow i'm free to go for class gathering,played on facebook,watched 2 hours worth of top model...omg.life is awesome.now am skyping zwing and finally seeing her in like a whole month.

there's this sense of really transitioning into my new life.like really finally understanding and coming to terms with this is who i am as a university student.no longer as clueless as before,2 months ago when all this madness started,but still learning.but it's a habit.it's a lifestyle.i may not love the work i have to contend with,but i'm loving everything else. (:

with new beginnings comes new ends.some of you have heard my contentions earlier this week.nothing that i can really mention explicitly here,but somehow i've come to this point of wreckoning.like,i'm not sure what exactly is going on inside of me that's creating so much havoc and flippant behavior,but something's happening.i don't know.i'm like,moving on so fast it scares me to see how far i've been flung in a matter of a few weeks.i guess i'm either still really immature,or way too mature to bother about things that keep messing me up.it could be my mother's influence.i don't know.it could be huishuang.i still don't know.then again,it could just be me.erratic.unpredictable.dramatic.indifferent.it could be hahaha some-of-you-know-who.i have no idea.

i think this calls for the secret blog.toodles.muah.

how do you sing a one way love song

memory still seems to love you.she sees you the way you used to look.she paints dreams of you the only way she learnt how to.when she thinks about you,she remembers first your eyes,then your hair,then your smile.she has never admitted to loving another but you and you always.nobody else continued to make sense.nobody else who walked with her made a difference.no one made her sob that way.no one else could.

memory compares the girl you finally chose to the girl she'd waited to show up to claim you years ago.memory doesn't know why things had to be that way then,the way they are now.memory doesn't know why you had to leave her behind.memory wouldn't be memory if you hadn't.she would just be empty history,her footsteps ending where you made her your destiny.memory wants to know why you didn't.

but of all the things memory does know,she definitely knows you never loved her no matter what seemed to give you away.

my busy week carries on without a care.

i heart straight hair.

that's enough. (:

hi to stalker.

thanks paul(:

really relay games.

my mind is foggy and i'm full and sleepy.but i will get nightmares if i sleep now before i finish sufficiently digesting my food.sigh.i'm supposed to do relay games i know.am also the last person to hand in the stuff to eliz.argh.today was a day off from work (relatively).had a pretty nice sweet time with the CT dears,as stelly will call us.

anyway.am so tired i can't think.but i just wanted to say hi to all those who stalk my blog. (PAUL TAG OUR PICTURES ON FB!!!!)

hello!!!!!!

and good night.