autumn passing.

if you'd meet me halfway,
if you would meet me halfway
it could be the same for you

all these days i've been with you
you've never been with me
life is turning grey and white
the leaves have fallen off the tree

though i've tried to keep it strong
and say that i'm alright
i chose the path less traveled
now you waste my day and night

autumn's passing, summer's gone
the sky's a dying blue
yes, i want to be alone but
i always cheat on myself with you.

oh how you bring tears to my eyes because you remind me of what i have been doing to myself.do i really live out my rejection by putting myself in positions whereby i am always kept at arm's length or carelessly pushed away - because this is how i expect to be treated? has this cruelty become a habit and a self-inflicted punishment for the incompetence i feel? do i gawk at the kindness the others show to me and repel myself from such grace because i do not believe i deserve it? i watched the nanny and listened to her shrink tell her that the other day,and it dawned on me that i too am putting myself in the place of least unconditional love and acceptance.i have been running from it my whole life.