the beginning of the end

You whispered in my ear the other day, how we'll grow old together. We'll take long walks in the mist-covered fields every morning, to that old wooden rope swing - which will then be even older. My hands, loose and bony, will still fit your firm roughened ones. Together, we'll grasp the crumbling rope with whatever strength we have left within us. You'll push behind me and I'll go up and down, up and down, like the life we had before this age. We didn't start off this much in love, of course, I loved you before you knew my name. When you walked past me with your hair hanging lazily in your eyes, I loved you. When you offered that dimpled smile to your friends, I loved you. Even when I accidentally saw you kissing your girlfriend in the corner, I loved you because it helped me imagine I were her. All this time I could have consciously grown up, thinking about me and only me, but by the end of my life as a child I knew nothing about myself and everything about you.

Now I know, however, I know you want to grow old with the girl you love - now she's me. You want to take her on long walks every morning across mist-covered fields, sit upon that old wooden rope swing holding old wrinkled hands and going up and down, up and down. But you haven't got a clue how I hate waking up early to walk anywhere at all, or how swings make me giddy and upset. I would love to hold your firm roughened hands today, and maybe even tomorrow.. But somewhere darling, our love has got to end.

"I don't know why I love you anymore, and if this is going to be forever, I
think I'm gonna need a reason."