I hate the part of friendship where you start expecting certain things and responses,and stop being as spontaneous and open and carefree.I hate feeling more bitterly disappointed than delightfully surprised whenever we talk nowadays.I hate caring about what you think about me when I never used to and that then was much happier.I hate having to measure you against the ideal and seeing clearly how far you fall short of it.I hate wanting to talk to you and to spend time with you because it’s as stifling for me as it is for you.I hate how a maturing relationship will ultimately turn one or both of us into people who can’t live without each other.I hate walking our friendship down the road I’ve walked so many times,the one that ends in anger,betrayal and sadness that will linger for many months after we finally stop talking completely.I hate how I’m always more emotionally attached than you,whoever the you may be.I hate how I always hurt longer and feel deeper.I hate knowing you are as indifferent about me as I try to be about you.I hate feeling strangely affectionate about someone after a period of time,because it’s all stupid and pointless and tiring.
And above all that I hate my foolish heart,because it’s always wrong.
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