freedom can be to die for,yet after a certain amount of enjoyment it all lapses into an unfortunate state of really pathetic.i don't know what to say for myself.summer is just slipping through my fingers,and all i can do is sleep for many many hours and once in a while wake up to think 'oh shit one more day is gone'.
i am doing nothing with my summer.except maybe watch alot of infinity challenge and occasionally go out with the bunch of never changing friends who do basically the same thing.which is either shop,eat,try to exercise,but mainly the most popular choice of sit-and-gossip.and some variation of that for every new outing.
or maybe it's just me.to me,everything i,or people in general, do is kinda useless.for some reason has no effect on me.maybe i'm just too occupied with making my summer count without having the slightest idea how it IS going to count.watching videos? no.hanging out with friends? somehow...no.being completely free? NO! i don't know!!! perhaps i wasn't even made for summers!!!!! i just can't handle them!!! i am most alive when DREAMING about summer.when i'm so busy with school i LONG for summer to come.but never when the dream is actually fulfilled!!! OMG!!!! i think i live for dreaming,but never for the reality of my dreams themselves.
to think my mother couldn't be more accurate when she said of me years ago...this child is a real dreamer.
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2 comments:
Hi jonk,
I like your site and your thoughts. They take me back. I'm a dreamer too. I like to comment on your blog when you said...
"...this child is a real dreamer".
If you love to dream like me it's the reality that floods in that kills it. It's like being in a great dream and just as it's really going somewhere you start to wake up! Oh how it hate that! Dreamers feel guilty for dreaming. There is always someone or your own voice in your head that tells us to do something more than dream. My question to you is are you afraid mom is maybe right and you have internalize "a real dreamer" with being too lazy or I'm not going to do anything real tanglable in my life? I think if you trace your feelings in regards to her comment you will find the real source of pain you are experiencing. If you are interested I can help you get in touch with that "lie based thinking" that creates such pain. It's that kind of thinking that prevents dreams from becoming reality. God is dreaming with you. He wants to give you the desires of your heart. He want your heart to beat next to His. I believe you are going to go places and as you trust him with those dreams he'll answer them. P.S. If you are wondering I'm a believer too! It's up to you, if you want to get to the source of that lie-He can set you free, because His truth always sets people free...
Hi there, I am soooo sorry that I don't blog here anymore and didn't see your comments. thanks so much for your encouragement..not sure if you'll ever see this. but thank you.and do feel free to email me at jonkkk@hotmail.com if anything!
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