it's funny how loneliness just creeps up on you and reminds you that being alone has its repercussions, and loneliness just happens to be on the guest list. from living on high drama and emotional rollercoasters to slumming it out in the uneventful suburbian wasteland of predictability and never-ending free time... the life i thought i was finally going to have after term ended is quickly eroding as an all too simple facade for no-life. when you wander like a lost soul waiting to be found, everything that happens to you seems to bring you hope. too much work could serve as a useful distraction from being emotionally alone, yet too much work could also drive your fatigued mind to make a foolish escape into fantasy or worse still, paranoia. too little work on the other hand ironically does the same thing. work never killed anyone but neither does it seem to cure anyone either. honestly i'm just sick of sitting around hoping that i'll stop being what is essentially lonely. i'm also sick of not sitting around because i'm doing the exact same thing anyway. i've been living so much in my head these days i finally came to the conclusion that perhaps i'm just really tired of hanging out aimlessly in this place called me and would very much prefer to move to a location known very simply as someone else's heart.
although it seems like you never happened, i hope you do, again.
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