this is somehow not a surprise,if i get home early,i'm online.why do i fail to impress myself by sticking to my work?today can probably be summed up as the day i actually contemplated giving up.i don't have to elaborate on what one does when giving up.to be precise,one does nothing.
it's like on one hand i'm guessing yip and kan are trying to inspire me to work really hard and prove them right that i can be their star student.it's a gut feeling.but it isn't enough.because today,failure doesn't inspire me,it doesn't give me a shove taunting me to shove back real hard like i am fully capable of.today the fighter within me sat down and cried.no i haven't cried in real life but i think somewhere inside me something's crying its eyes out.and then i thought,what if i just didn't study for A levels?certainly wouldn't feel too much different from now would it.just stop strategizing like crazy every day.stop taking out my schedule and reshuffling things around.stop writing on post-its all my to do's.all my to do's that are rarely completely done.
it all comes down to 3 words.3 words God has heard over and over again.okay great jared has disrupted my moment of unhappiness.with the thing i love alot.video editing.but the show must go on.
3 words.
i'm so scared.
this is the last time i'm coming home early.
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