happy posts

i was reading joy's blog just now and i realize what a happy person she is and in contrast,what an unhappy person i seem to be.which is actually quite untrue given the fact that im one of the most energetic and optimistic people around despite being emotionally unstable from time to time.that's why i decided i have to stop being so melancholic (oh Bosola.) around my blog.that,and also to stop coming online because i desperately need to get into mugging full swing.3 weeks left,and steadily depleting.i feel strangled by my lack of urgency.

i slept quite a bit today.have no idea whyyy im so tired,or maybe its just this allergic reaction to having to rush through all my stuff.plus the stress that comes with praying very hard that im not forgetting to study anyth.AHHHHHHHHH.

i think my attempt to be happy in this post is not working because the night is young and dreadfully in need of MORE STUDYING by yours truly.i shall end here with an eyebrow raiser.

"You know for years I used to wait in breathtaking anticipation for your every word to me. I thought you were so cool, so perfect. I admired you incessantly, you could say I was,in all my childish naivete, hopelessly crazy about you. When I was alone my mind would linger to the things we'd talked about before, not much but still, always enough to tease a smile from my lips. And as I grew older I would laugh at the younger girls swooning over their boys, shake my head in mature displeasure.. Only to remember with a start that you were, as unchanging, tucked away safely in a pocket. On certain lonely nights I would take the memory of you out and unfold you cautiously, holding my breath. I would thank God afterward, that nothing about you was too different, that I still knew you by sight and heart, in essence whatever I had of you still belonged to me. You would probably wonder, now that you're hearing this, why I never said more about this to you, who knows what would have happened if I had. But you see, from the first day I made a mental picture of you, knowing full well you would take up a great space within me, I already knew how we'd turn out from there. I would never love you, because I would never have you. Being with you, my dear, was like counting the stars. You were so painfully beautiful, yet so painfully distant. And no matter how hard I stared up at you each night, no matter how close you'd seem to fall towards me from time to time.. I could spend a thousand nights watching you in wide-eyed wonder, yes, but it simply would be a thousand nights under the wrong sky."