live like the world you know is ending in a day

there are some thoughts and emotions even i am at a loss as to how to express,tears no one can explain,faces in old photographs that have faded and despite my pretence that i don't know whose faces they are,i have them memorized deep inside me somewhere.i am not that girl in the picture up there,but i sure know what it's like to have someone etched forever in the background of your portraits.it's like a stain that would never go away.yesterday i had a strange overwhelming miss,the way you miss a missing person.in other words i became acutely aware that you still existed in the furthest corner of my closet,where i had thrown you in fatalistic abandon that day.i felt the need to write you a letter about everything i had yet to say to you,things we should have sorted out but decided to leave in an unfolded,crumpled mess upon the floor for people to trample on.i cleaned up that mess a year ago,and there it lies with the mothballs and every other painful thing i wish to forget.i didn't write a word to you in the end.

and then there's my dear friend the army took away.for a while he was this old favourite tshirt that you realize suddenly is missing from your usual selection of clothes (the top pile,preferably) and you remember with a flood of anxiety that it meant so much to you but it took you this long to reacknowledge its existence.duane,i'm so happy to find you again.i hope you still fit. (:

wild horses,like these pressures to jump the bandwagon of dating too fast,will they drag you away? or will you wait for that day to come when you can ride on the back of God-ordained courtship into a multicolored sunset of forever with the person you love?

whatever the case,i hope they never drag any of us away.
but as i find my good old friend again,i lose another one to the sweeping sceneries of milan,italy.

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words
of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so
that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory
and the power forever and ever. Amen."

1 Peter 4:11