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i'm hooked.

now's not my writing hour,don't feel particularly depressed or emotional or whatever.had 2 instances over the past few days.one was sparked off by the pro-ana documentary i caught on channel 70.left me feeling very sorrowful and confused.which i have been for 2-3 days now.then today i felt inspired after message because it addressed a lot of key issues that have been surfacing in my life.walked home thinking about how i wanted to make a difference in my life,to take up esmond's challenge and hear the truth.believe the truth.and change the way i've perceived things.as my dickens' notes kept harping on,sometimes the change simply cannot be of the society,but come from within the individual himself.very true.

couldn't stop thinking about what esmond said that night we had the serious discussion over life issues.and what the psychologist on oprah was saying about forgiveness and embracing life for yourself.what darren said about being empowered by the truth,to be set free.came to the conclusion after all the pieces fell together,that i need to forgive myself,accept my circumstances and embrace the life that stretches before me,in misery or not.

if i were to put all my grievances down,stop blaming myself for the road i'm on and start taking it all in my stride,leave the past behind me..life would be so much better,so much less tiresome.so free.

so i decided to make the choice.take the leap.and find new found confidence,a real step towards standing up for myself and trusting God to be in full control.not to be swayed by what the world whispers in my ears or shouts at me in attempt to tear me down.after all i can't forget what this woman on oprah was saying - if you change the attitudes you take towards yourself,you will change the way people around see you.think beautiful,be beautiful.

self-progress is such a scary yet wonderful thing.dickens will be proud of me.